pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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