Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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