sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
