so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
