i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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