Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
false alarm. still invincible.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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