The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
