Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
