my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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