I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
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