***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
