you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
