I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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