the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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