And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
