he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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