He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
