You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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