college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
