mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
