so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
