absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
