You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
