Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
