how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
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