I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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