I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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