I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i would punch a child for taco bell
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
