"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
