so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
