Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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