How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
