why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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