So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
