girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
