Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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