i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Randomize
