May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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