she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
