Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
