I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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