Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
