3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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