He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
