Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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