Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
