well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Randomize
