dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
