ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
