he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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