We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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