why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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