I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
