I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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