think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
