if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
