just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I need to wash the frat house off of me
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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