I got her a Nickelback box set.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
