My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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