I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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