haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Is Oprah even human
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
