He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
