Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
