how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
