My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i believe in u and ur pee
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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