She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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