Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
