Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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