How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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