Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
