i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
